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Pre-departure relaxed anxiety

Hello, readers. Welcome to my portion of the Teach in Thailand blog!  I am very excited to be a contributor amongst the rest of these very talented/intelligent/hilarious/adventurous writers, and I pledge to try and live up to the high expectations.  However, there are no guarantees and I imagine my contributions will primarily consist of what the rest of my life possesses: humor, learning, uncertainty and all of the delightful [and often eccentric] experiences that tend to follow. 

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Nevertheless, my departure date is quickly approaching, and I keep wondering when this is all going to hit me.  I do get little bursts of the realization that I am soon moving to Thailand… acquiring my visa in the mail, getting those [not so fantastic] shots, receiving that illustrious email stating that I completed my TEFL certification, or simply witnessing other people’s reactions when I tell them about this upcoming endeavor.  I find that their reactions usually fall along the lines of elation, or pure terror. 

And my theory for these reactions is this: If you are scaring other people with your life and your goals, you are absolutely doing something correctly (**the exception here is if you are a serial killer). And, if you find people who don’t think you are insane for moving to a foreign, unknown, mysterious place by yourself, it’s probably a very good idea to keep them around.  I am so looking forward to being surrounded by others who have similar goals and aspirations. 

And more importantly, I promise to try and terrify you all for the rest of my life.

Now, that’s not to say I am not nervous or anxious about this upcoming move to mold young minds abroad.  I am indeed nervous, and similar to my sudden bursts of moving-to-Thailand-realizations, I simultaneously have bursts of anxiety that arise.  They often pop up while I am driving or running or smack dab in the middle of the night — Should I bring two suitcases? What if I break my ankle while hiking a mountain?  Will I be a good teacher to these students?  Is my voice too quiet for me to pursue teaching?  Should I maybe consider miming?  Will I still be able to consume inconceivable amounts of coffee? Will the pad thai be as delicious as I dream it will be?  — And then I return back to Earth and remind myself to breathe and calm down, and I continue to daydream about pad thai (and more often than not, I’ll just email Ally and she’ll remind me that it is not a big deal. [But no really, big shout out to Ally for being awesome]).

Although there is anxiety, it is absolutely overshadowed by my excitement and how humbled I feel to have this opportunity at all.  My excitement and anticipation overshadows any significant fear, and as strange as it may sound, I am kind of scared of the fact that I am not scared of this. 

Not being scared is kinda scary.  

So, thank you for this opportunity.  Thank you for reading my sarcastic [and what I expect could be a wildly entertaining and adventurous] blog.  And thank you to my students, past and future, for motivating me to do this in the first place.

See you in Bangkok! – Probably with two suitcases and an extra ankle brace just in case.

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